Awakening
by artemisfae
Summary: Liz reassesses her sense of self now that she and Red have fled the country. Red, of course is there to help her. UST. Lizzington. Post Season 2 finale. Contains elements/spoilers. Rated M, so follow, or adjust your filters! LOTS of angst! NOW COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Post season 2 finale. Multi-chapter fic of Liz trying to reassess her sense of self and of course Red is there to help her. Total, shameless Lizzington. Let me know what you think and if I should continue**

They had been travelling for days. Not always by plane. Sometimes a truck or a car would take them to their next short flight.

Red was silent, watchful, until they left the U.S., but had loosened up a little bit when he realized that Ressler wasn't going to chase them down the tarmac.

She worried that Red is sad because she ruined everything. They had a good thing going, getting rid of Red's enemies from the relative protection of the FBI.

She knew he admired Ressler for his unflinching honor and simplicity of thoughts. She snorted at that. He had no qualms pointing out Ressler's short-sightedness. She had to admit, Red was such a smart-ass, but an adorable smart-ass.

Not expecting an answer, but too curious to keep quiet she asked "Where are we?"

"Kazakhstan. We have associates here. And money. Both things that are going to come in handy in the next few weeks."

She was so surprised that he actually answered without deflecting that she really had prepared no response.

"Come on Lizzie, no comments? It's a beautiful country. Lovely architecture. Lots of shopping, which we will definitely be doing. But I suppose if you get bored, we could always participate in the _Khyz Kuu._ It's a celebration where the men drink fermented mare's milk and chase their maidens down on horseback. In fact, I believe that would make this entire fiasco well worth it."

She blushed at the images his words created in her mind. Red. Chasing her on horseback. How barbaric. She was not aroused. Not even a little.

 _Damn_. Maybe she was a little turned on.

Red laughed for the first time in weeks at what must be written all over her face. If he could find a little joy in this entire screwed up situation that she put him in, then she would happily take the embarrassment.

"Maybe another would beat you to me. Horseback riding doesn't strike me as your type of thing" she teased back, wanting to keep him smiling.

"Oh, you'd be surprised at my stamina, dear Lizzie. I'm not quite ready to be put out to pasture, at least not yet."

She loved that he was so quick-witted, but absolutely hated that he used it so often to make her speechless.

The sexual innuendos were nothing new. This..this was something else entirely. More blatant. More potent.

As if she needed one more reason to be attracted to Raymond Reddington.

She knew that to reply would only dig herself deeper, escalate his retort. She wasn't quite ready for that, not yet.

Being away from the FBI was so… _freeing_. That she really had no frame of reference on how to behave. How to react.

She had tailored everything in her to be FBI. She had no idea who she even was at the moment.

Al she knew was that she was terrified of what she would discover.

Red had once told her to 'act like a criminal…just be yourself'. She hated to think that this was fate. Destiny didn't control what she fought so hard to overcome. Being a petty thief, a criminal, as a juvenile was fun and games, certainly not a career, by any means.

So she had decided that she would take advantage of her sealed juvenile record and start new. She already knew the inner workings of the criminal mind. She had some first-hand knowledge, but was fascinated by the prospect of studying it closer. That is why she had decided to seek a career as an FBI profiler.

Sam had been ecstatic. He hated that she was so good at stealing. He was the one to teach her to begin with, though not for the purposes that she utilized her skills.

He taught her how to pick locks so that no one could ever hold her against her will. The teachings of a paranoid father were morphed into something that took on a life of its own.

The adrenaline rush was what she had sought in the beginning. After she had fallen in with the band of misfits she called friends, the companionship and the camaraderie was what kept her there long after the thrill had begun to wane.

The day she joined law-enforcement was the happiest day of Sam's life. She was almost glad that he wasn't here to see what a mess she made of things.

When they had finally arrived at their home for the time being, she was shown around by Red who insisted on escorting her himself. He looked so worried about her now that he wasn't covering it up with shameless flirting. "Relax Red, it's not as if I'm going to off myself." His face darkened, but he didn't deny that it wasn't exactly what he thought.

"You should rest up, because tomorrow we are going to have you fitted for a wardrobe."

She just rolled her eyes at him "I don't need you to dress me-"

"Oh, but you absolutely do, my dear. You are now working from my side of the tracks and from that perspective, money and power equals respect, and a Macy's rack sale suit won't cut it. I think you are gorgeous, and no matter what I would want underneath your biker jacket, but my, now our associates will know the difference between tailored and not. We are cultivating a persona. It's one of the most vital pieces of this new puzzle we've been given.

You and I both know that returning to the FBI is no longer possible. But I can make sure that when our journey is done and over, everyone who comes in contact with Elizabeth Keen will think twice before betraying her."

His words struck a chord. By killing Tom Connelly, the Attorney General of the United States, she had chimed a bell that simply could not be un-rung. Her choices from here on out would shape the rest of her life.

Was she prepared for that? To become like Red to clear her name? The more she thought about it, the more at home she was with the idea. She had thought him a terrible, selfish, monster.

In reality, he was protecting her from the monster within herself.

She looked at him, letting a true smile grace her lips "I want that. And you know what? I can't wait."

He smiled back, but it was one laced with regret and sadness.

This was never what he had planned for her.

 **A/N: Let me know what you think. Thank you for taking the time to read!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews/follows/favorites! You guys are amazing!**

 **Disclaimed, as usual. Own nothing, make no money.**

 **Chapter 2**

"Red, you have been to the tailor's hundreds of times, there's no need for you to go this time. I will be guarded heavily I presume, so your presence here is redundant."

They were outside of the tailor's shop and truth be told, Lizzie was nervous. She wasn't ashamed of her body, per se, she just didn't relish the thought of Raymond Reddington examining her so closely while she had so little clothing on. She knew how these fittings worked.

To be on display for Red in her underwear would be too revealing. She already knew exactly what her body's physiological response to Red was. She just didn't need Red to know it.

"Lizzie, I'll need make sure that the colors are just right. I know what others will be looking for. That make me the ultimate authority for your fashion. They will also need to be specifically fit to conceal your weapons."

"Weapons, as in plural? You act as if I am going to war."

He looked at her, deadpan "You are."

She shivered at his words. He wasn't kidding. This really was a war and she was on the frontlines.

Maybe she could make him too angry to want to come. "You know what? I think that you believe that I am incapable of making the right decisions!"

His head, tilted to the side as he searched her face, straightened and a smile lit his face. "That's not going to work, Lizzie. I am not sure what your problem is with me tagging along, but now I am simply dying of curiosity to find out."

She groaned and hurried from the vehicle. _Hell: Party of one,_ she thought. This was going to be horrendous. Knowing that she had to distance herself, think of anything but Red, was going to be exponentially more challenging if he was going to insist on being in the same room with her.

Four hours, a tray of snack sandwiches, and approximately five thousand thoughts of Ressler naked had Liz feeling confident that she could make it through the last of this ordeal without letting Red in on her little secret. She avoided eye-contact with him, provided only mono-syllabic answers, and attempted to ignore his very existence.

Which was excruciating. Red filled a room and commanded attention like no other person she had ever come into contact with. Pretending that he wasn't there was one of the most difficult tasks she had ever had. And she shot the Attorney General of the United States. That was cake compared to this.

As Henry, the tailor, asked her back on the platform from another short break while he gathered fabric, Red stepped in front of her. _Damn_. "Lizzie, are you angry with me still? What have I done to upset you? I have been wracking my brain for the last four hours and I simply cannot think of what I might have done." The hurt in his voice was genuine. She had to reassure him. As much as she needed him to keep his distance, she hated the thought of him believing that he had failed at something again.

"Red, you haven't done anything. I am simply tired. You know as well as I do that I am not a shopper." She cupped his face as she spoke, hoping that this would be enough to reassure him. Already, she could feel her nipples tightening, her face flushing. She never should have touched him. She needed to move away. Immediately.

She moved around where Red was standing with every intention of excusing herself to the restroom to splash some ice cold water on her face, but Red caught her hand at the last moment and spun her back into his body. The impact was sudden, but not hard enough to move him. When he spoke it was barely above a whisper. "I am glad you aren't mad at me. I was hoping that this would be a new beginning for both of us."

The irises of his eyes were barely discernable. The pupils had swallowed them whole. He was even more aroused than she was. She had been avoiding looking at him, which spared her from having to gaze upon a Raymond Reddington that was very much enjoying the show.

He had opened himself up, let her see how much she affected him and found that she could offer him no less of herself. Breathing labored, Liz leaned into him, nearly touching her lips to his. "I am very not mad at you." She whispered.

His eyes closed and she swore she heard a soft, rumbling moan from his throat, but they were interrupted by Henry as he cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with their floor show.

She twirled around and walked, no strutted away from the Concierge of Crime, shoulders back, hips swaying, showing him every inch of what she was discovering as the new Liz.

He was going to die. His fists were clenched at his side, his dick was uncomfortably hard in his pants, and his lips had almost touched hers.

If someone burst into the shop right now intending to harm him or her, his reaction time would be so slowed by his arousal, that he would be useless to protect her. And that, above all was unacceptable. He knew that he had let her see what his reaction to her body was. It wasn't a new reaction, though. He had wanted her the moment he met her. He had fallen in love with her the moment she stabbed him in the neck.

So it wasn't a fairy tale. Real life rarely reflected fantasy. His love for her was raw and jagged and just as flawed as he was. He was in too deep and that couldn't be helped, but he'd be damned if he let his feelings cause even one hair on her head to be injured.

 **Tbc…**

 **Let me know what you think!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thanks for continuing to read this story! The Reviews/Follows/Favorites/Messages are so amazing to receive, you guys are amazing!**

 **Disclaimed, as always.**

 **Chapter 3**

Red had closed up on her after their trip to the tailor. Which made her doubt her decision to tease him like she had. Was he mad? Ugh. She hated all this uncertainty. Maybe he liked to be the aggressor. She had pondered this the entire ride home and decided that she wasn't going to worry about it anymore. He could flat out tell her to stop if he wanted her to.

She saw the lust written all over his face. She saw his reaction as he bent over to pick up a bolt of cloth that had overturned. When the time had come to choose undergarments, she had looked at him through her eyelashes and noticed his poker face had returned, but he had alternated between running his tongue over his bottom lip and twisting his tongue in his mouth.

Red had tells and she was learning them. The only question remained was, what was she going to do about it?

When they returned back to the house, she tried to rouse Red's interest in a game of chess. He agreed, but she knew that he was going to test her tactical knowledge. She was actually excited to pit her wits against his. She knew what a mastermind he was and although he would demolish her, she hoped that it would give her an opportunity to peek inside his brain as well.

Lizzie found out that she was an aggressive player to Red's reactionary. During their first game, she sacrificed important pieces in order to move Red into check-mate. He outmaneuvered her every time. When she was going to move her queen to finally put him into what she thought would be check-mate, he asked "You would sacrifice your more valuable and versatile piece to take out your enemy?"

She just shrugged, offering him the explanation that going on the offensive and taking out the enemy was detrimental to the safety of her king, and that was the entire purpose of the game-to protect the king.

His brow furrowed in thought with her reply, but he didn't ask her any more for the remainder of that game.

During the next game, she swept the board of nearly all of his pieces. She had lost nearly all of her pieces with the exception of her King and a few pawns. He had been tapping a piece on the hardwood of the table and she knew he was going to burst if he didn't say what was on his mind. "What do you want to know? Why I changed tactics? I have more pieces left than you and they might all be pawns, but in just a few short moves, they'll all be queens."

In less than ten minutes she had him in check-mate. He was impressed with her strategy of distracting him with taking the more valuable pieces from her and leaving the pawns alone.

It also didn't hurt her game that she had taken off her sweater and only played in a form-fitting tank-top. The swell of her breasts had his attention every single time she leaned over the playing board to examine their moves.

"Are you ready for dinner? I was going to whip up some pasta, if that's alright with you."

She grinned "I'm down with eating as long as you're cooking. I don't feel like having to take you to the ER to have your stomach pumped from my cooking. They might charge me with attempted murder, and we know how bothersome those murder charges can be."

Her cheeky comment caused him to let out a bark of bitter laughter. For all of his criminal activities, Lizzie had come much closer to an indictment than he ever had.

 _Well hell._ Her comment was meant to make him laugh, but not that way. She sighed. So much for lightening the mood.

Dinner had tasted divine, but Red was talented in pretty much everything he did, even cooking. Martha Stewart would put a hit out on him if she knew the kind of competition she had in Raymond Reddington.

Liz continued to flirt, but more subtly. However, she incorporated touching him at every possible turn.

She put her hand on his arm while she gave her gratitude for such a wonderfully cooked meal.

She passed behind him, reached over him for his plate, and allowed her breasts to brush his back and linger there for a moment longer than necessary.

His hands clenched, and he was flirty as per usual, but nothing else. No reactions to hang her hopes on.

She finished cleaning up from their dinner and Red retired to the study to read the myriad of newspapers he had delivered daily and relax. She passed by the doorway and paused. His profile was perfect. She knew he had no idea how attractive he really was, but that made him all the more alluring.

"Thank you for dinner, Red. I'm going to take a bath and then try to sleep. Do you need anything?" _Like me?_ But instead of what she wanted to hear, he just said "You're quite welcome, Lizzie. Enjoy your bath and have a good night."

She knew she wasn't imagining it when she saw him visibly swallow. It made her feel immensely better that he was not as unaffected as her would have her believe. Next, she moved on to her bath and to brainstorm on her new, yet utterly worthwhile goal of seducing the Concierge of Crime.

Tbc…

 **A/N: Thank you again for the wonderful response to this fic! Let me know what you think!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thank you for the beautiful reviews!**

 **Disclaimed, as usual.**

 **Chapter 4**

Liz's bath was wonderfully relaxing, but she had yet to come up with any new ideas on how to get Red to make a move. She had already tried so hard, Femme fatale she was not. Setting out to actively seduce him was much harder than originally anticipated.

Lost in her thoughts, she took the plug out of the drain and left the tub, only to immediately slip and fall.

She grabbed the only thing within her immediate reach-the shower curtain. Instead of preventing her from hitting the ground, it ripped out of the hooks and down she went, screeching the entire way. As she hit the floor, her breath was knocked out of her. She couldn't breathe no matter how hard she tried.

Within seconds, Red was banging on her bathroom door "Lizzie, are you alright? Answer me or I am going to break down this door!" He waited a beat for her to reply, and since she was still trying to catch her breath, he simply knocked the door in.

Liz finally coughed, gasping for air as splinter from the door went flying. Red fell to his knees beside her and ran his hands over her head, her arms. "Did you hit your head? Sweetheart, are you ok?"

She was still coughing while batting his hands away from her. Her humiliation was officially complete. "God, Red I'm…fine. I slipped and fell. I had my breath knocked out of me. Go away." Her face felt like it was on fire.

His sudden stillness and lack of reply let her know that he had just noticed how naked she was.

She jerked her head up to meet his eyes, but his were firmly on her chest. As she was already embarrassed enough for the both of them, she spoke softly so he wouldn't be embarrassed as well. "Thank you for coming to help me so fast, but as you can see, the only danger I am in is dying of mortification and the only injury I suffered was to my pride."

He finally looked up to meet her gaze. His eyes were nearly full black. "Let me help you up. Uh, sorry about the door, I'll fix it tomorrow." He stood and held out a hand to assist her.

He pulled her up, looking everywhere but at her. His eyes finally landed on her towel on the counter. He grabbed it, shook it out, and wrapped it around her. He put his arm at her back and led her into her bedroom.

She turned quickly to thank him and hope would take the hint and leave her…immediately. Except she couldn't because he was squeezing his eyes shut as if he were in immense pain. She rubbed her hand up and down his arm "Hey, I'm ok, it's alright. Are you alright?"

His eyes finally opened. He stepped closer to her. Close enough that their breaths mingled. His was either worry or passion induced. Hers was because she was a clumsy fool that can't put a towel down before she takes a bath.

"Do you want me to take a look?" Red said. "Huh?" Was all Lizzie could think to reply, so maybe she actually hit her head during her fall.

His voice was rough, yet smoothed her nerves "Your back. Would you like me to…look at it? To make sure you aren't injured?"

She was in pain and all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole where there was no embarrassment and now he wanted to flirt? "Red seriously, I'll live. I really just want to get some sleep, kay?"

He shook his head as if clearing it and stepped away. "I apologize. I am glad you are fine. Goodnight."

She closed the distance between them and kissed his cheek "Night, Red."

He just cleared his throat, nodded his head towards her, and left the room.

Great, now he was back to being closed up.

She sighed loudly and flopped back onto the bed, uncaring of getting the covers soaked from her hair.

She was back to square one, it seemed.

Holy Christ, Lizzie was so beautiful, there were no words to do her justice. She was so perfectly formed, he had wanted to fall to his knees at her feet and beg her to let him worship every square inch of her with his lips, his tongue…every inch begged for his touch.

And then he behaved like some moony-eyed kid during his first make out session, nearly coming in his pants just from looking at her.

There was no way he could ever touch her. Not unless some serious masturbation took place beforehand. His reputation as a skilled lover would be null and void in her eyes if he couldn't keep control of his dick. All of her signals were coming back to him and reminded him that she wanted him to. Every action, every statement testified to the fact that she wanted to move their relationship to the next level.

Her naked body must have scrambled his brain because there was no way he would ever be deserving enough to touch her. She had trusted him to save her, to flee the country to escape their adversaries. He couldn't screw it up by giving into his need and making her uncomfortable during the inevitable 'morning after'. He would respect her if it killed him.

Tbc…

 **A/N: Thank you so much for your response and support of this fic!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Liz thinks that she'll get the opportunity to rub herself all over Red like a cat, but he has other plans. Kind of a filler chapter until we get to the good stuff.**

 **Chapter 5**

The following morning, she met Red downstairs for breakfast.

He smiled, said "Good morning, Lizzie." gestured to the stack of French toast and bacon in the middle of the table, and went right back to reading the paper in front of him.

After a few moments, he said "We'll need to work on a few things this morning-Basic sparring and self-defense. Before you object, I know you went through the standard cookie cutter classes that all FBI agents go through. This is different, better. I can give you some pointers that will maim and incapacitate with very little effort or strength. You will have the confidence that comes with knowing that you could kill a man with your bare hands. That kind of ferocity can't be faked, at least not well."

The fact that he was willing to get close enough to spar with her was an absolute win in her book. He might be approaching it as entirely business, but she was going to use it as an opportunity. Her mind was awash with all of the images provoked by thinking of rubbing her body against his.

"Ok, what else is on the agenda for today?"

He still hadn't looked at her "We can take a trip into town if you feel up to it. Some of your wardrobe is ready for you. Then afterwards, we will go over a meeting that we must attend later this week. I will go over every scrap of information I have and you will know exactly what I know. We will then begin working on how not to think like a cop."

This was entirely different from what she imagined. Red looked all kinds of hot in a pair of Adidas jogging pants and a black t-shirt, but even the stellar eye candy wasn't enough to make up for the beating she was taking.

She thought that Red would be holding on to her, trying to teach her how to break holds, not knocking her on her ass every minute and a half. "What the hell, Red? I thought you were going to teach me something."

He smirked "Have I taken you down the same way more than once?" Oh. "No"

"Well I guess you're learning at least a little, hmm?"

He used that opportunity to take a drink and wipe the sweat from his face and neck.

All too soon, he moved into a defensive position and quirked a brow at her. Waiting for her to attack. When she didn't, he straightened and sighed. "These people you will come into contact with are going to be dirty, gutter fighters that have no formal training of self-defense. You need to be willing to harm, not just subdue your opponent. If someone has ahold of you, the goal of these exercises, is to ensure that you don't stay there long. You aren't a killer, Lizzie, but you certainly will never be a victim"

She looked at him with sadness "I am a killer Red. First my father, and then Tom Connelly."

He shook his head "With your biological father, he needed killing, with Connelly, I'm sure that he gave you very valid reasons for shooting him."

"You," she whispered "My reason was you. He threatened you with the death penalty. I couldn't stand the thought…until he threatened you, I was just pissed that he had all of his bases covered. Thinking of you, and not being able to see you...was too much. He was a man that needed killing."

The turn of their conversation hit too close to home for Red. That she would kill to protect him was testament that she was too deep in this. He knew the measures that he was willing to take, but his chest ached for him to think that she may not be able to escape it either.

If they continued along the lines of that conversation much longer, he was going to take her to the floor and show her just how deep in this, in her, he really was.

So he changed the subject. "These people will test you at first. If I move to protect you, it will make you look weak. Now, let it just be said that I will slaughter an entire room full of people if it looks like you are actually in trouble, but you are strong Lizzie. Strong enough to clean a few thug's clocks and teach them the time of day."

She was so sore, she wanted to die. That must have been Red's plan the entire time. To work with her until she no longer thought of wanting him.

She snorted to herself. _As if that would ever happen._ She still wanted him, she just had no energy to do anything about it at the moment.

They had worked nearly the entire day. He repeatedly asked her if she wanted to stop, but she had to prove to him that she was competent, a worthy partner.

They had been enjoying a quiet dinner of Teriyaki Chicken and rice, when Red quizzed her on other aspects of fighting that they had went over after their sparring.

"If someone threatens you, what do you do?"

"Distract them. Keep them talking."

"Do you pull your gun?"

"No, the presence of a gun gives no room for anything but escalation."

"Where do you strike first?"

"'Eyes"

"Why?"

"Not having vision scares even the most experienced of fighters."

"Where do you hit next?"

"The knee."

"That seems like a bony area, why the knee and not a soft tissue area like the neck?"

"Soft tissue spots have too large of a margin of error. If you miss, you'll be in close enough proximity to be over-powered. The knee shatters from the front with only twelve pounds of pressure, totally disabling my opponent."

"What if they aren't facing the right way for a knee shot?"

"I pull my knife and stab. Blood equals power. They lose blood, they slowly, or quickly, depending on the area hit, lose all power."

He grinned at her "That's my girl."

Her answering grin twisted his stomach into equal knots of lust and regret.

Red showered and changed for the evening, hating himself almost as much as he loved her. He hated that he needed to teach Lizzie the seedy underbelly of his world. The entirety of his goals to date had been to shield her from exposure. This situation with the Cabal and the entire US Government gunning for Lizzie changed everything. He had to protect her at all costs, and the very root of that was to help her protect herself.

She was magnificent, countering his moves at every turn. She was such a quick study that it wouldn't be long before she was kicking his ass. She was already a competent fighter when they started, but she had blossomed in her determination to best him. She impressed him to no end. Every time she thought she was going to beat him, she had this sparkle in her eyes. He fought to keep his arousal at bay from the very start, but that look made him think of the expression she would make while riding out her orgasm on top of him.

 **A/N: Let me know what you think. I feel like this wasn't so great, but it was needed before we get to some action and maybe a kiss. Maybe.**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Here's the next installment! I *ahem* hope you like it. Thank you for your continued support! Your feedback is so awesome and totally makes my day!**

 **Chapter 6**

Red's contact turned out to be a woman. They left early the next day, and despite what Red had initially said, he would tell her nothing but "This contact is essential to clearing you of espionage" until they reached the café where the meet was to take place.

She was young. Younger than Liz, in fact. Red told Liz that her mother was a long time employee of the Director's at his vacation home in the south of France.

After the repeated news articles exposing the movement of the clandestine group over the past three decades, the Director had holed up behind a wall of spooks at the CIA. No one could find his whereabouts. Except Red, he somehow knew of the estate when there was no evidence connecting him to the property.

The Director wasn't a good man, so it didn't take much digging to find someone that had a reason to hate him. The fact that it was the child of his longtime mistress and housekeeper, was immensely helpful. She was all too helpful to turn over information to Red.

Liz, however, hated her on site. Her name was Margueritte, her tiny, elfin body with long blond hair was everything that Liz wasn't. She was too young, too pretty, and flirting with Red, who had no compunction flirting back-the bastard- and left Liz with only snippets of their conversation. Which of course, was entirely in French.

She hated when Margueritte touched him. Little touches on his sleeve, light brushes against him as she emphasized a particular statement. Liz just sighed and abruptly stood to order another coffee at the small café in Ukraine, of all places. They travelled there by train in a private car with a new set of identities for that very purpose.

His Lizzie was livid, positively green with jealousy, and Red couldn't be happier about it. There was a certain pleasure to found in creating havoc, at least he thought so.

As she walked up to the counter, he told Margueritte "My wife is bored with our little meeting, but I thank you for all of the information, but our ride will be leaving soon."

"Do not thank me Mr. Markham, just kill him. Free my mother and I will consider us even."

They stood and she hugged him and kissed his cheek. After over two decades of servitude for a monster, her mother would have an opportunity for freedom.

He gave her a short squeeze and patted her back, not uncomfortable, but worried that Lizzie would turn around and misconstrue-so of course she turned around. He eyes narrowed. She looked from him to the young woman wrapped around him and threatened. He sighed. Lizzie jealous was adorable. Lizzie angry and wanting to stab him was not.

They hadn't spoken the entire ride back to the train station. He had tried while they waited for the taxi to take them to the train station, but she stopped him with a "For your safety, I suggest you don't try to speak right now."

He hadn't tried since. She figured that he had given up on trying to explain herself until she found herself pressed firmly against the wall of their train car. Every inch of her was wedged in between him and the wall.

"I let you stew because you said that you didn't want to hear it, but now it's my turn. You're going to listen. I know you are angry with me but you need to know that I wanted nothing to do with that _child_. She wasn't even legal to drink in the states."

Her eyes welled with unshed tears "You could have fooled me. You were all over each other." She hated showing him how much it hurt to see him flirting with another. It made her feel like she was less than nothing.

"For your information, despite what you make think, I am not a total reprobate. She was a means to an end. An end of the cabal chasing you. And also, you are forgetting one very vital piece to this puzzle of crazy you're putting together: Why would I ever desire her when I have exactly what I want right here in front of me?"

With that, he kissed her as if he were a man dying of thirst and she was the only drop of water in sight. They met in a clash of teeth and tongues that left her breathless. This was no tentative kiss. This was owning, both having realized the futility of holding back any longer. He was hers and she was his.

She gripped the back of his head and neck and pressed herself impossibly close. His arousal was long and hard against her center. Her leg curled around the back of his as she rubbed herself on him.

He ground himself against her, hitting a spot so perfect it didn't take long until she was screaming out her orgasm into his mouth.

So lost in each other they were, an observer would be hard pressed to tell where he ended and she began.

Imagining and experiencing Raymond Reddington were two very different things. Nothing could have prepared her for the onslaught of emotion. She went from being furious with him, to melting in his arms.

She broke her mouth away from his with a gasp "Red, oh my god, what are we doing?"

He kissed down her neck, pulling her shirt to expose her clavicle to his mouth along the way "I don't know about you, but I am currently seducing the most enchanting creature I've ever known."

She froze and he stopped his journey to look into her eyes, searching for her regret.

He would find none.

It was she who made a discovery. His eyes were black, hooded with desire. His nostril flaring with his labored breathing. He was so mesmerizing that she could hardly form a complete thought. All she knew in that moment was that she would die if she didn't taste him.

 **Tbc…**

 **A/N: I know! We'll get to the good part soon enough…it would have just ended up twice as long though and I am not ready for this fic to end any time soon. So…let me know what you think.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: RATING CHANGE TO M! DO NOT CONTINUE IF SMUT ISN"T YOUR THING. This chapter seriously got away from me and I have no idea where it came from, but holy crap it is seriously hot. I am STILL blushing. Seriously. They are finally making their way to the mindset where they can be together and not just physically.**

 **Disclaimed, as usual.**

 **Chapter 7**

Her breathing deep, calmed from the tumultuous experience, she pushed him back away from the wall. His face expressionless, as if he waited for some sort of rebuke.

His knees hit the back of a cushioned bench seat, but he did not sit down. He waited for a sign of what she wanted from him.

She had no words for how much she wanted him, so said nothing.

She grabbed the sides of his face for one last lingering kiss before falling to her knees at his feel.

Her eyes were hooded with desire, her tongue darting out to lick her lips in anticipation of feeling him hard and heavy in her mouth.

She went for the buckle of his pants, but he stopped her before she could get them down "You don't have to do this Lizzie."

She could tell it cost him to offer her an out. She heard his words, but his eyes told a different story. The raw desire and longing in his expression took her breath away.

"But I want to." That's all it took and his hands fell away, a willing sacrifice to her will.

His pants and boxers hit the floor with the thud of his belt, his wallet. She stared, transfixed at the sight of him.

A drop of pre-cum welled at the tip, spilling over. She couldn't wait any longer and took him into her hand. His rumbling moan of pleasure was unlike anything she had ever heard from him.

His eyes were closed tight in a grimace that was more pain than pleasure "Please, Lizzie."

With the first tentative touch of her tongue, another spurt of pre-cum coated her mouth. Her name a shout, a prayer, a litany of promises. She took him all the way inside of her, the head of him, wedged into the well of her throat.

His size and girth too much for her, but she soon found a rhythm, breathing through her nose, swallowing against him. His voice was rough, barely recognizable "That's it, Lizzie, show me heaven…God, sweetheart, you are going to burn me alive."

One of her hands squeezed the base of him in tandem with his thrusts while the other reached up and cupped his sack. "Lizzie, I'm going to come. You need to move." He cupped her chin as if to pull her away, but she wanted nothing to do with that.

She moved her hands to grip his behind, humming her approval for him to come in her mouth.

He came with a shout, shuddering his release, collapsing onto the seat behind him. "Oh, my god, Lizzie."

He pulled her up with him, cradled her on his lap, and wrapped his arms around her. He was still shaking from his release.

She was still shaking. He made her feel so much. She was also unbelievably aroused from his words, his voice, and the countless moans and growls he made while she was going down on him.

Her voice was hoarse when she spoke. "I'm sorry Red. I shouldn't have overreacted. She was just so young and so beautiful in a way that I could only hope to be."

At the sound of her voice, Red laid her beside where he sat, stood and adjusted his pants, and found her a bottle of water from the cooler under one of the seats.

He uncapped it and handed it to her "Lizzie, we're done talking about this. I don't feel that you needed to apologize for feeling the way you did. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little flattered."

He sat back down beside her so she could cuddle up into his chest. Liz snorted. "You're lucky I didn't go Jerry Springer on her and throw a chair at her."

He chuckled a little "I am so very glad you didn't throw a chair. It would have been increasingly difficult to stay under the radar had you garnered the attention of the Ukrainian authorities."

They put themselves back together and cuddled close for the remainder of the trip back. Neither one of them was willing to break the spell of . The silence between them was unexpected, but not entirely uncomfortable. Usually Red was regaling her with stories of his many travels, but after a quick peck to the forehead, he left her to her own devices so he could shower and make a few phone calls. She too decided that showering was a good idea and made use of her time pampering herself with the spa products provided in her bathroom.

Her body felt like silk and smelled like heaven. Knowing Red, the lotion was probably five hundred dollars and ounce or something as equally extravagant.

As she ran the lotion over the curves of her body, she thought of Red's hands and how badly she wanted them to take the place of hers.

She couldn't believe what they had done. On a train. Granted, it was a private car, but she had never been so uninhibited before. Oral sex wasn't even an act that she overly enjoyed. It had always been more of a duty. However, with Red, his reactions, the timbre and cadence of his voice, his moans were an experience that she would never have enough of.

Thinking of him brought back her near painful arousal. She clenched her thighs together to stave off the reaction he created within her.

It was time for bed though, and she had every intention of talking Red into taking a chance on her, on them.

It was a long shot though. She knew that Red had reservations and had no desire to presume that their actions would be repeated. For all she knew, Red was wishing that he had never come near her.

However, Red was thinking the exact opposite. He was done fighting his feelings for Lizzie. He had long since thought of her in a proprietary way, but had come to terms with the necessity of keeping his distance for her safety.

Until he had tasted her passion. He would find a way to make it work. He would hire an army if necessary to keep her safe. In one day, his priorities had shifted from protecting her and giving Lizzie her life back to protecting what they have and create a world where they could build a life together.

 **Tbc…**

 **So, um, yeah, let me know what you think. Thank you for taking the time to read!**


	8. Chapter 8

**This chapter was a little tough for me to write, I just wasn't happy with it, but I owe you an update so, I'll just leave this here then run and hide…**

 **Disclaimed-I own nothing and make no money.**

 **Chapter 8**

Being on the run must also include having minions. She opened her wardrobe to grab an old t-shirt only to find it stuffed to the brim with clothing.

There were night gowns that ranged from Little House on the Prairie to pure sex. She blushed, thinking of wearing one in front of him. She chose a midnight blue silk sheath with spaghetti straps. It barely touched the tops of her thighs. The matching robe made it slightly more modest, but barely.

She felt a little hungry so she made her way to the kitchen to find a snack. She had hoped to see Red in his room as she passed, but the door was shut and the light was off.

Her disappointment was an ache in her chest as she thought about Red trying to avoid her.

It disappeared as she rounded the corner to the kitchen to see Red, scooping ice cream into bowl a bowl.

He had changed into black plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt.

He spotted her and grinned. "Lizzie, I made you a snack, you must be hungry." He patted the stool next to where he stood, drizzled chocolate on the ice cream and slid the sundae on the counter to where she sat.

"Thank you, I would tell you what an amazing mind reader you are, but I doubt that your ego needs the stroking."

His smiled dimmed a bit "We've had enough…stroking for right now. But, we do need to talk."

Her stomach clenched in trepidation of what she knew was to come. Rejection. To prepare, she stared at her ice cream as if it held the answers to the universe, hoping if she avoided eye contact he would drop the subject.

She had no such luck.

"Lizzie, I want to talk about us and I need you to look at me to do so."

Her eyes clashed with his, but all she saw was warmth. It gave her the courage to see that maybe it wasn't all bad news "OK, I'm listening."

"What happened today was…one of the most erotic experiences of my entire life."

She scoffed, she felt defensive because she thought Red was placating her with a compliment before letting her down easy. "Bullshit. I've heard you talking about waking up covered in Vaseline. I am pretty sure me sucking your dick is on the very vanilla end of the spectrum for you."

His eyes narrowed. "You may be wont to trivialize what happened between us because you think that I'm going to tell you that it cannot happen again, but you're going to be quiet and listen."

Oh how she hated how perceptive he was.

"The truth is I should be saying those things. The reasons we shouldn't be together is written in the blood spilled over the past two years. I am dangerous. There's no getting around that. I am a criminal. I have done things, terrible things, but never to anyone that didn't strike first or deserved it. I am no slaughterer of innocents.

"Now, where was I? What happened between us was extraordinary. Like nothing I've ever experienced. It made me realized that my feelings for you have evolved into something that is…consuming me. And because of that, I am ready to admit that attempting a permanent relationship is what I never hope could be, but want so very badly that I am willing to do anything to make it happen. That is…if you are willing?"

She had tears in her eyes and a lump in her throat. All she could do was nod.

She bit her lip trying to get her emotions under control before she spoke "I am absolutely more than willing. I just need to know that you didn't change your mind because I threw myself at you."

He laughed softly, nuzzled kisses into her temple "Sweetheart, I don't know if you've noticed this or not, but I generally do as I please, no matter what. Now, everything is straightened out for now and you had an opportunity for a snack. It's my turn."

"You want ice cream? Why didn't you make yourself a bowl when you made mine?"

He patted the counter to indicate that he wanted her to sit there. She raised an eyebrow, but complied, very aware that she was barely covered.

"I don't want any ice cream. I want you." He brought the chocolate syrup over to rest against her thigh, leaving no mystery as to what he wanted.

She laughed "Red, this nightgown probably cost a fortune. You are not going to ruin it by getting it all sticky"

He just knelt in front of her and began a nibbling, kissing, sucking journey to her core. "Well then I suggest you take it off, because if you don't by the time I reach it, I'm going to rip it off and then it will be ruined anyway."

His words enflamed her already aroused body. Her skin felt too tight, her nipples hard in anticipation of what he would do should she not comply.

He drizzled some chocolate over her thighs and in the end, practicality won. She didn't want her gown ruined so she wiggled out from underneath the robe and gown, untied the robe, and threw it over her head.

Red sucked in his breath at the sight of her. "This would have happened a lot sooner had I known you were totally naked under there." She spread her legs a little and teased him with a glimpse of her core.

He spoke sporadically as he kissed up her leg.

"Oh, Lizzie, you're so wet for me….I have never seen anything so lovely…I will never get enough of you."

When he reached her center, she spread her legs impossibly wide. He knew right where she wanted him and still he made her wait for the contact she so desperately needed.

"Red, if you don't get moving, I'm going to take care of business myself and leave you hanging."

He put his mouth on her clit, hummed and said "Oh, that is something I am going to need to see, so maybe later, but I'm busy right now."

She thought she knew what she'd been asking for, but Red was voracious and thorough in his sensual assault.

Her moans and screams of pleasure soon turned to pleading for mercy. Red was relentless. He brought her to orgasm so many times she lost count.

If this was being in a relationship with Raymond Reddington was going to be like, she may not survive.

 **A/N: I promise that the next chapter will start right where this one left off…with more to come! Let me know what you think!**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Rated M, more smut. *blushes uncontrollably* I'm going to go hide now.**

 **Disclaimed, as usual.**

 **Chapter 9**

Red stood with hooded eyes, nostrils flaring. She looked down at the sight of him straining through the front of his pants. He had to be uncomfortable, but he was so gentle, so careful when he straightened her out to lay across the counter as if she were his personal buffet.

He latched on to her breast, sucking and nipping at one while pinching softly at the other.

"God, Red, I don't think I can…I am slain…ruined-" "-Dramatic" he finished for her with a smile. "But I suppose I'll let you rest for the time that it takes us to get to bed."

She wasn't sure if she could even open her eyes, let alone walk to bed.

She must have spoken her thoughts aloud, because she squealed as he abruptly picked her up in a fireman's hold over his shoulder and headed for the bedroom. "Oh my god! Red, put me down!"

She laughed and wiggled for him to let her loose, but froze when he playfully smacked her behind "Stay still. If you make me drop you, you won't enjoy my next spanking."

She laughed at his antics. She knew he would cut his arm off before harming her. She had to play with him though "Maybe it wouldn't be much of a punishment." She said and let her voice drop lower, breathless.

His stride faltered slightly, but he didn't reply. He just walked faster.

Red tossed her onto his bed and followed her down. His lips worshipped her. It felt like he was everywhere at once. His lips on her neck, his hands on her breasts teasing her nipples, even his leg, which was wedged between her legs teased her clit sending jolts of pleasure running through her.

"Red, it's too much, I can't…Oh, my god!" Her nails bit unto the back of his head. He chuckled softly, pleased that he could drive her to that state, that madness.

"It will never be enough." His voice alone caused shivers to race down her spine.

Before she could reply, he was there and he was naked and throbbing against her. He settled his weight between her legs, he paused "Shit… Condom."

He tried to move off of her, but she clutched him to her "It's ok, Red. My shot won't wear off for another few months. I mean, I'm clean and if you're all good, then I…I don't want to feel anything between us."

His forehead pressed to hers and eyes clenched tight as if pained, voice so low it was just a vibration against her chest. "Are you sure Lizzie? This is big… I haven't…not in nearly 30 years."

It washed over her just how dedicated Red was to her, how much he cared. That one statement, tore down any walls that were left between them.

She reached between their bodies and grabbed his arousal. He surged against her, moaned into her mouth as she guided him inside of her.

He pulsed inside of her, filling her up. "Oh, Lizzie, you feel magnificent. I'm so sorry, but this time is probably going to be a bit fast. You're so incredible."

She crushed her mouth to his, lost in the sensation of him, of them together. It was better than anything she'd ever experienced before. Maybe it was because they knew each other's true selves and accepted them, flaws and all.

He pumped inside of her relentlessly, determined for her to reach her peak before he did. So focused on how wonderful everything felt, his rhythm was erratic, rough. She loved that she could make him lose his ever present control.

Finally, neither of them could take it anymore. If possible, he seemed to get even larger within her.

They moaned in unison, the waves of pleasure washed over them as they found their moment together, locked in each other's arms.

Throughout the night, Red woke her countless times, as if the dam had broken and all of the love and affection he was holding back for the past two years just burst forth.

When she finally opened her eyes the next morning, Red was on his on his side, head propped up on his elbow, just watching her. His hand was caressing her hip softly.

"Good morning, Lizzie." His voice carried the rough timbre of the morning. His smile was so serene. Despite their near sleepless night, he looked refreshed and well rested.

Her answering grin made his smile larger "Morning, Raymond."

Her use of his given name brought heat to his eyes. His hand ran up her leg to her waist.

"Um, white flag Red. I seriously doubt that I'll be able to walk this morning. I need a few hours, at least, to refuel. If you even think of touching me, I won't be responsible for any of the damage I cause to your body."

He threw his head back and laughed "I suppose I'll let you have a break. If you want a small nap or to shower, I'll go make us breakfast and bring it back up to you."

He was so sweet, he had to be tired as well. It's not like he wasn't a participant in their marathon. "Thank you, I lo-….thank you. That would be lovely."

She realized what she almost said to him and was more embarrassed than when she fell in the bathroom. It was way too soon for her to make that kind of declaration. Although they agreed on a certain exclusivity, they had mentioned nothing of love. She tried to smile through her panic, but she was well aware of how flat it came out by the look of amusement on Red's face as she retreated into his bathroom.

Red walked away from his bedroom with an ache in chest like a fist around his heart. Love. She almost said she loved him. In the light of day. He didn't know if she realized it, but she had repeatedly told him how much she loved him throughout the night. He didn't take it as a true declaration, as it was said in the heat of passion. He knew that he had considerable skills and knew exactly how to use them.

He was so anxious. He felt as if he was standing on a precipice and one wrong move spelled death. As a man who normally had plans for his plans, he didn't relish the idea of so much uncertainty.

Raymond Reddington had a new goal. He wanted, above all things, for Lizzie to look him in the eye with her brilliant blue gaze, and tell him that she loved him.

And to hurry up and finish breakfast before her shower was over. She was using his bathroom and had no clothes to change into. Hopefully, he would get a show with his breakfast.

 **Tbc…**

 **A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: Thank you so much for the wonderful response to this! I love hearing from you!**

 **Disclaimed: I own nothing and make no money off of this.**

Liz thought that she knew Red. She was wrong. From being in such close proximity to the man, she learned so many new things that she never would have known otherwise.

His little laugh when he read something funny. How he would occasionally talk to himself while cooking. The frequency of which that boyish twinkle in his eyes appeared and how she vowed to do whatever it took to keep that twinkle in place.

She loved everything about him. She knew that she loved him when she called him for help all those days ago. She went from loving him as a safe haven in her world of uncertainty, to being so deeply in love with him that she hated the very thought of their past. All those many months of time wasted. How awful she was to him.

Now, she just had to figure out how she would tell him. She knew he cared for her, it was broadcasted in every kiss, every touch of his hands on her body. Maybe she would tell him tonight. Or before if the opportunity struck.

Days after their first encounter on the train, they still couldn't get enough of each other. Her favorite thing to do was show up naked in the room while Red was on a business call. He would pause in whatever he was saying and stare at her, slack-jawed, as if she were the most magnificent woman he's ever laid eyes upon.

It always took him a moment to recover his wits, but she was rewarded with him completing his phone calls with so much heat in his eyes it took her breath away.

After he hung up his phone call, he would take her up against whatever piece of furniture was handy.

They still sparred and practiced defensive moves in the mornings with Red trying to give her as much information on his plans as he felt safe. The trouble was that he wanted to keep her in a bubble of safety.

That bubble was soon to be broken, to judge by the tone of his phone calls. Plans were being made to go to France. She had found an English/French dictionary and was brushing up on her meager French to give her something to do when Red was working or reading.

Red was at the store getting them supplies. They, or rather Red, had agreed that Liz should spend the least amount of time exposed as possible.

She was busying herself with dusting when there was a knock at the door. At first she planned on not answering and waiting the out, but a scrape on the knob alerted her that someone was coming in whether she let them in or not, so she jerked open the door and used the element of surprise to take the lock picker down to the floor and put her knee in his throat.

"Oh my god, Dembe! I so happy to see you!" She quickly took her knee off of his throat, but then wrapped her arms around him to hug him tightly.

He immediately hugged her back "Elizabeth, I am so happy to see you looking so well. Raymond said he would be home at this time and I worried that something could be wrong."

"Nothing is wrong now. Red has missed you so much. He's going to-"

"Be very upset that he worked so hard to get his significant other her favorite chocolate dessert and comes home to find her sprawled on top of his brother."

Oh. Shit. _Red._ Liz twisted her body around with a smile on her face that died as soon as she saw the look on his face.

He was jealous. Murderously so, if she were to judge by his clenched fist and pinched face.

 _How dare he believe that they would ever-!_

Well, she was on top of Dembe, straddling his body with her arms wrapped around his neck.

Dembe was frowning at Red, seems he took exception to Red's quick judgement of them too. "Well, I did tell Elizabeth that the bed would be much more comfortable, but-"

"Shut up! Are you kidding me?" She smacked Dembe "Red, he's lying. He tried to pick the lock, I disabled him and then hugged him when I noticed it was him. If you don't believe that, you are just as much of a jack ass as he is." With that, she crawled off Dembe and left the room.

Red looked after her and sighed. He held a hand out to help Dembe to his feet. He pulled him into a hug. Dembe hugged him back but said "What was that show for?"

"I could ask you the same. The bed? Really?" Red said with his eyebrows raised.

"Your jealously was showing. What kind of brother would I be if I didn't rub salt in your wounds? Besides, we need to talk. Alone." Red smiled and said loudly "Well since you can't have my Lizzie, you'll have to console yourself with the gelato I just purchased. You can also make yourself useful by helping me carry the groceries in. I don't trust you with my girl."

They walked outside and Dembe said "Everything is arranged. I don't agree with your plan though. We can help you Raymond."

Red stopped Dembe at the vehicle "You are helping me. By keeping her safe. That is what I need. I leave in the morning. I need to know that she'll be taken care of if I don't come back. I love you Dembe. You're the only one that I trust with her. She is everything to me.

 **Tbc…**

 **A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: There is an extreme amount of angst ahead. I tried writing it differently, but this is just what came out.**

 **Disclaimed, as always.**

 **Chapter 11**

Liz heard Red and Dembe joking and laughing so she assumed they had kissed and made up. She left them alone for the past hour, but was drawn out of her room by her grumbling stomach.

She breezed into the kitchen where they were talking "I am glad to see that you two boys are getting along again. Red, I am still a little mad at you for not telling me that Dembe was coming to visit. What if he would have showed up when I was running around naked? Did you ever think about that?"

Dembe dropped the spoon he'd been holding to stare back and forth at Red and Liz. You'd have thought it was Wimbledon. He finally settled his shocked gaze on Red. One quirked eyebrow from Red and Dembe broke into a wondrous smile "I am so happy for you brother." His face darkened "This changes things."

Red still wore the same expression on his face "It changes nothing. Absolutely nothing. It's already been planned for."

Liz had no idea what they were talking about, but was happy that Dembe knew about them and was happy for them. She would definitely be asking Red what changes Dembe referred to.

She couldn't wait to get Red alone.

She didn't get a chance to talk to Red alone until they retired for bed. They said their good-nights to Dembe and walked to Red's room, hand in hand.

Red didn't even wait until the door had clicked shut before he was on her. He kissed her with a fervor that was dizzying and oh so wonderful. There was an urgency, something different coloring his actions. It wasn't bad, just different.

She didn't know what got into Red, but she was more than happy to give as much as she got. He was tireless in his demands. He took her from behind, and her nails gouged into the flesh of his thigh, his behind, as she came apart around him.

She thought they would rest, but Red, still hard turned her to her side, one leg over his shoulder, his thumb pressed against her clit, powered thrust after thrust inside of her.

Once again, she lost count of how many times she came.

The finally did rest, facing each other, neither one willing to let go of the other. His eyes were closed, but the tension still bracketed his eyes, the set of his jaw.

She knew he was asleep, but she had to say it. Her "I love you, Red." was whispered into the dark.

She had closed her eyes afterwards, losing her own battle with sleep, so she never saw the one solitary tear escape from beneath his lashes.

Liz awoke with a start. She reached for Red and found him gone, but that was nothing new. He was a restless sleeper.

What was new was hearing Red and Dembe's voices, so she went to investigate.

They were both dressed, Dembe in casual clothes and Red in his customary suit. _Where was he going?_

They had just embraced with Red whispering in Dembe's ear when Liz confronted him. "What is going on here?"

They both startled as if electrocuted. Dembe moved across the room to where Liz entered and waited wordlessly by the doorway behind her.

Red walked in front of her, smiling, and rubbed his hands over the tops of both her arms in a comforting gesture "Lizzie, sweetheart, I am going out to take care of some business. Dembe will stay with you for the duration."

She immediately went on the attack "This is why he came. To baby-sit be while you ran off and did something stupid and dangerous. I can help you, Red. Dembe and I both can help you. Please don't go alone. I know what you are planning. I can help you make it work." She knew that she sounded pathetic with her begging and crying, but she knew how stubborn Red was and nothing would move him once his mind was set. She couldn't stop herself from trying though.

"Sweetheart, you'll be fine. Have I ever told you about this old man I met in Peru? No? Well, I met him on a desert oasis called Huacachina. He was a native resident, born and raised in that desert. He was a wealthy man, made so by the tourist industry in the town. I asked him why he would stay in such a horrific landscape. Don't get me wrong, the oasis was beautiful, but the climate was consistently treacherous. He told me that his love was there and that he would brave anything to be by her side.

"I thought it was an adorable tale, told by a man that went home to his plump wife of forty years every night. I later learned that his wife was dead, buried in the desert 22 years prior. He stayed in a landscape that was slowly killing him all to be close to a gravestone that depending on the month, had to be located by GPS and unburied from feet of sand.

I met him over a decade ago, but I never once knew what he meant until you."

He smiled his smile that mirrored the one he gave her from the inside of a blood splattered box and she was gutted. She knew he was going to leave her. _He never said he would be fine._

"Red, no. I love you! Please don't do this!"

She wrapped her arms around his neck as if the force of her hold would keep him with her there forever.

For a moment, he held her back, his hold almost bruising. He whispered in her ear "It's because I love you that I am going to take care of this. When it's over, we can be together. If that happens, I swear I'll never leave your side again."

He looked over her shoulder at Dembe and nodded. Dembe stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her from behind. Restraining her. "No! Don't leave me Red! Please don't do this! You don't need to do this alone! Dembe let me go or I'll kill you myself! Red!"

She screamed and struggled against Dembe, but he was gone. Dembe held her for about 10 minutes, keeping her from hurting him or herself.

By that time, her voice was ruined, shattered. Her cries, barely audible, but not for lack of trying.

Her rage turned to loss and she collapsed on the floor, Dembe sliding with her to hold her as she sobbed into his chest.

Red drove for a few miles before he had to pull over. He could no longer see for the tears clouding his sight.

 **Tbc…**

 **A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: Ok, so there's more angst to come. I am really not happy with this chapter, but I've tried making changes and it just makes things messier,lol.(If that even made sense) Things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better. They WILL get better though. Maybe not soon, though.**

 **Chapter 13**

Dembe held Liz against her will for exactly thirty two hours.

After that, Liz had no more energy to fight and escape. It was if her entire world had crashed around her. She wasn't thinking rationally.

Red either didn't want her and was using this as an excuse to make a clean getaway, or he cared so much that he was going to face their enemies alone. She knew it was the latter, but this kernel of doubt was still inside of her. He left so soon after making love to her that she couldn't help but think he changed his mind, that he didn't really want her.

Either way, she still hurt, badly. Her chest still felt like a ticking time bomb, every painful palpitation brought her one step closer to an explosion.

Her voice was non-existent still. She refused to eat or drink. Dembe was pissed at her for 'acting like a child', but she was heartsick and felt she was allowed time to just hate the world for a while. She would just vomit everything back up. The very thought of moving made her nauseous, let alone consuming anything.

So she sat and stared out a window. She didn't really see anything though.

"Elizabeth, I have something for you to drink. It will help your throat feel better." He tried to hand it to her, but she just looked into his eyes blankly.

"I am going to force this down your throat if you don't take it from me." Dembe was angry. He'd never spoken to her like that before. She knew he wasn't really mad at her. He was mad at Red for taking his control away and leaving him here with her.

She finally took the cup away from him, sipping the hot chocolate with relish.

"Dembe, if I told you that I would stay here and behave, would you go to him and protect him? Even if he thinks that I am nothing more than a hindrance, I need to know that he is protected. Will you do that for me? Will you go to him and make sure he's safe?" Her voice was a squeaky, broken mess, but she is pretty sure that he understood every word.

He had tears in his eyes as he answered "I made a promise to Raymond that I would stay with you and protect you for however long it was needed. If he doesn't….if he doesn't return, then I will stay with you for your entire FBI career."

She stared in shock and horror "Do you have any idea how crazy that sounds? What am I supposed to do with a personal body guard, Dembe? That is ridiculous. If I'm your boss now, then I am firing you. My only wish is for you to keep him safe. If you can't do that, then you're of no use to me. Go!"

She cried then, but silently, her tears burning trails down her face.

Dembe held her then, but she didn't struggle against him, just froze. "Elizabeth, I have a number that I am to call in another 15 hours. After that, I will know if I am to take you to him or to your new home."

Her mouth gaped open in horror. In 15 hours, she would know if Red was alive.

She wouldn't have to, she realized, as a sharp pain in her neck penetrated her awareness and everything went black.

She woke up to a splitting headache and nausea like nothing she'd ever experienced.

She hoped her legs worked, or there was going to be vomit all over the floor. Thanked her lucky stars that she only stumbled a few times before she finally collapsed next to the toilet and dry-heaved for the next ten minutes.

She heard Dembe coming up behind her "If you come near me, I'm going to kill you."

Dembe chuckled, "I would like to apologize, but I had no idea you'd react like that to the anesthesia. You frightened me with your responses, so I figured it would be to your benefit to not have to endure the wait."

 _Oh god, Red._ "Dembe, have you heard?"

His face was grim and his voice even more so "We must leave. He's at a private hospital in France. I know no more than that."

Red was hurt, maybe dying and she needed to move her ass to see him, to make sure he was getting proper care, to smack him and tell him how much she hated him…how much she loved him.

"Dembe, I can't get up. I'll eat an energy bar, a glass of water and then we can go."

He helped her up and she washed her hands and rinsed her mouth out with mouthwash she located in the medicine cabinet.

She stumbled, still disoriented from the drugs. Dembe just scooped her up and deposited her on the sofa with a "Stay here, I'll pack everything away."

He stopped to throw her snacks and a drink. Five minutes later they were driving down the driveway.

They flew into France, Liz wearing a wig and Dembe wearing a flamboyant purple suit. They were traveling as husband and wife, dancers, from Canada.

Dembe had worked tirelessly, made countless calls, bribed, and even threatened to find the name of the hospital where Red was.

Wherever he was, he had succeeded in his primary objective. The Director was dead. He died of a heart attack at home, the press was saying. Here in France, The Director was just a wealthy businessman and philanthropist. His real power had been in the states.

Liz couldn't even find it in herself to feel relief that one of her problems may be solved, because nothing was worth losing Red, nothing.

They finally reached the hospital and Dembe spoke with Red's charge nurse. Liz couldn't understand much of what was said, but she could tell by the look on Dembe's face that something was very wrong. "What?! Dembe, tell me!"

She didn't care that she was breaking character. She didn't care that anyone could be watching them.

Dembe stepped up to her, a tear running down his face. His voice was hoarse, as if the words had to be forced "He'd gone, Liz. He's dead."

He barely had a chance to catch her before she hit the floor.

 **A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: Ok, so this is still angsty. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though. All will be revealed tomorrow! Thank you for the favorites/follows/reviews! It is so very much appreciated!**

 **Chapter 13**

Three weeks had passed.

Mr. Kaplan was called and brought in to investigate, but must ended up wathcing Liz while Dembe was away.

Dembe refused to believe that Red was gone. She didn't know when he slept, but half of his day was spent out meeting contacts and looking for Red. There was no body, His body disappeared from the Coroner's office and without that closure, Dembe refused to even acknowledge that Red was gone. There was talk in the underground world that Red travelled that he truly was dead and that another member of the Cabal had red's body stolen as an example. Rumor was that his body was on display, like a wild bear shot for sport in the new Director's home.

The other half of his day was spent bullying Liz into eating, drinking, sleeping, taking a shower, and changing her clothes.

For Liz, it was all too easy to believe that Red was gone. Her entire life, every single good thing that had ever happened to her was taken away. For the first few days, Dembe kept her sedated. Not knocked out, but whatever he gave her took away her ability to feel. Kind of. She was screaming on the inside, but on the outside she was just numb, nearly lifeless. She knew that seeing her upset hurt Dembe, so she didn't have the heart to tell him that the sedative didn't help her. They helped him and that was what was important.

She knew that she was in a mentally unhealthy place. She knew that and yet could do nothing about it. Some days she couldn't even lift her head to get out of bed. Those days, Dembe carried her out of bed.

She would literally be dead if it weren't for Dembe. She had no desire to eat, to drink.

Though she was slowly coming out of her fog of grief in the past couple of days. She had finally spoken three days ago.

He had Mr. Kaplan flown to their location to see to Liz's care and to babysit her while he was out looking for Red. Mr. Kaplan was a bully, but Liz loved her for it. She knew that they were trying to work through their own grief, but had to push that aside for her.

She wanted to get better, to move on. She wanted to move away and never think of this place again.

There were still people after her and she was still one of the most wanted FBI criminals but none of that mattered.

She had taken to wearing Red's clothing, because nothing kept you more mentally stable than wallowing in the clothes of the dead man you were in love with, right?

She was pulling out a pair of Red's boxers when an envelope fell on the floor. It had her name on it.

She shook as she fell to the floor with it and tore the envelope open. _Oh God._ It was a letter, _from him._

 _Dear Lizzie,_

 _I am so sorry sweetheart. I am so sorry that I've failed you. I had every intention of returning to you, living our lives together, but the fact that you are reading this means that that eventuality no longer exists._

 _You need to know that I love you with everything that I have. Thus, my compulsion to rid us of one of our biggest obstacles to happiness. I know that you don't care about it, but all of my assets are yours, the money, the safe houses, the cars, the planes-everything. At the bottom, there's information on a safe deposit locker that has all of your new information. Along with it, you'll find enough identities and documentation to keep you safely hidden for the rest of your life._

 _What I need you to do is to stop feeling sorry for yourself and stop feeling sorry for me. If I'm gone, I died knowing that I had experienced the greatest thing that life had to offer me. You. You were my light in the dark, my beacon of hope. Now, my hope is that you will pull yourself together and move on, travel. I hear that there's an especially magnificent Café in Hong Kong called 'The Coffee Academics'. Don't worry, it's not as pretentious as it sounds. They have a custom glass blown Chemax that brews the singular best cup of coffee you will ever experience._

 _I digress, but I am both wordy and an immense fan of the written word. And I must confess that if this is to be our last conversation (if a bit one sided), I want it to last._

 _I love you sweetheart. You were absolutely worth every millisecond. I would like for you and Dembe to remain together for the time being, but I know that you are stubborn and that you will want to leave him behind. The danger is never really gone._

 _I learned many things over the years as a fugitive. I would like you to know that my greatest learning experience was you. You taught me to look at myself in a different light. Please remember that you now have the ability and the means to do whatever you please._

 _But first, try the coffee._

 _Love Always,_

 _R_

She cried then, loud ugly sobs. Dembe ran into the room, saw her there lying on the floor with the envelope on the floor and the letter clutched to her chest. "Dembe he's gone! Dembe he's really gone!"

He held her so tight it felt like he would crush her but she welcomed it, it felt like she was held together, less in danger of falling to pieces.

His tears ran into her hair, his grief gave her a strength, a clarity that she lacked while alone. Dembe needed her just as much as she needed him and what he needed was for her to get it together.

Her breathing calmed and her tears slowly stopped. She ran Red's words through her mind over and over again. There was something she was missing.

Suddenly, it occurred to her.

"Dembe, call to have the jet readied and pack your things. We're going to Hong Kong.

 **Tbc…**

 **A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: The mystery continues and the search for Red is on.**

 **Disclaimed, as always.**

 **Chapter 14**

Dembe thought that Red's mention of Hong Kong was just a quirk. How very like Red it was to impart the importance of quality java in a dying declaration.

He hoped though. He couldn't hide his hope from her.

She was now the one that refused to believe that Red was gone. They argued the entire way to the airport. Dembe thought she was going insane.

She bet Dembe half a million dollars and a life time of servitude that Red was alright. If it turned out that she wasn't, then Dembe gained a Girl Friday for the rest of his life.

They touched down in Hong Kong in the middle of the night. Dembe found the website for the café and the hours stated that they wouldn't be open for another 5 hours.

"Dembe, go ahead and get some shut-eye. I'll take first watch."

Dembe wanted to bring an army. Liz was barely successful in her argument that the Chinese would crawl all over them lie fire ants if they were caught. In fact, Dembe had to bribe an official at the small airport to even get in the country.

"I'm not going to sleep. I do not think that I even could if I tried, Elizabeth. You should try instead."

She just snorted what she thought of that. She was entirely too keyed up to even think about sleep.

They rented a hotel room a block away from the café, but it was the tiniest room she'd ever been in.

She was astonished to learn that it was roomier than most. And by roomy, there was a small space to walk next to the bed.

What the hell was Red doing in Hong Kong? This was definitely not his scene.

"Well, we could talk. What are you going to tell Red when you see him?"

He shook his head "If he is there, I am going to punch him, hug him, and then ask for a raise. Not necessarily in that order though. What about you? What are you going to say…if he is there?"

She stood and walked the two paces to the window, stared at the city lights all around them "I've thought about little else and I am still drawing a big fat blank. On one hand, I am ecstatic that he's possibly alive, but on the other I am filled with… a rage that he left me. He knew he could be hurt, killed, and he said nothing. Mostly I'm hurt though. I thought that we were partners. He made a life changing decision without me and I thought he respected me more than that."

Dembe, aware of how emotionally fragile Liz still was, stayed silent. He could add nothing that would make her feel better. He was feeling the same thing, but felt betrayed, even. There was no reason he had to be left behind when the danger was so low for Elizabeth.

"Oh, shit! Dembe, wake up! We overslept!" Dembe fell out of bed with two guns drawn and aimed at Liz "Whoa there, down boy. We have to go!"

Liz was stumbling and scrambling around, pulling her coat on and her hair up, not even concerned with brushing her teeth.

Dembe fumbled with his shoes, only pausing to tie the laces when Liz raised an eyebrow and said "Really? I think we can take the time for shoelaces."

They were armed to the teeth and out the door within minutes.

They walked down the crowded walkways to the café and entered slowly. It was very busy. Full of yuppie business men and women getting their fix before their morning commute.

Liz looked around, but could see no sign of Red.

She caught Dembe's eye and signaled to him that she was going to look in the back of the café.

She couldn't hide her tears, her disappointment when after looking through every room of the establishment, there was no Red.

She did meet the owner when she barged into her office and was almost certain that she wasn't yelling at her telling her what an awesome customer she was.

When she finally made her way back to Dembe and he shook his head, just as disheartened as she was.

A shout came from near the register and they snapped their attention to a young man running towards them. He pushed Liz and caused her to fall back and smack her head on the concrete floor. Dembe immediately helped her up "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine. I'm lucky I'm not wearing a wallet, though. That was a total brush pass. Little punk was going to rob me blind." She patted herself down for injuries, just to make sure. She felt fine, but when she ran her hand down the front of her jacket, she felt something in the pocket.

She pulled out a plain white piece of paper. On it was an address "Dembe! We have good news and bad news. The good news is we have an address. The bad news is that it's not even in this country. We're going to need the jet again."

Dembe was ecstatic. Convoluted cloak and dagger scavenger hunt had Raymond Reddington written all over it.

"Well, where are we going?"

She sighed, frustrated that they were being sent on this crazy journey. She would stick with it though. She would do anything to see Red again. "India"

 **Tbc…**

 **A/N: Ok, so I know that it seems like it's taking forever, but this journey only has a couple more chapters.**

 **Let me know what you think!**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Sorry for the delay in updating. Have some more angst, my gift to you** **Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, follows, and favorites! It means a ton…seriously.**

 **Disclaimed, as usual.**

 **Chapter 15**

New Delhi was just as jam packed with people as Hong Kong, but with a different tone. Markets peppered the side streets, children laughed and played in and around them freely. It was nothing like she'd pictured. She couldn't wait for answers.

The address Liz had been given was on the outskirts of the city so they had to drive for about an hour before they would reach it.

Although Dembe spoke Hindi beautifully, he was markedly uncomfortable. "What's wrong Dembe?"

He constantly scanned the area "I hate India. Last time I was here, I was stabbed." That statement shouldn't have made her smile, but it did. Dembe wasn't afraid or paranoid, he was still upset that someone got the better of him. He was pouting and it was adorable. "I'm sorry, Dembe."

He grunted "Your smile says otherwise." She laughed outright "I'm sorry! You look like a little boy when you pout."

They rode in companionable silence for the rest of the trip. When they arrived, Liz scrambled from the car, uncaring of the possible danger. Dembe grabbed her from behind, picked her up, and hauled her behind him so that he could lead the way, gun drawn.

There were two men at the door of the two story building. They stood as Liz and Dembe approached.

"You have no business here." The larger of the men said in perfect English.

Before Dembe could react, Liz pushed past him and stood on tiptoe to get in the man's face "We know where you live and we know where you sleep. That is my husband in there and if you think to keep him from me, I'll murder everyone you hold dear. He is my _entire_ business. I suggest you step aside."

She held his gaze and let him see that her statement was no bluff.

The guards exchanged a glance, but moved aside. "We were told you would come, but not that you were so disagreeable."

Liz ignored him and moved forward through the door way. There were more guards inside. One was a breathtakingly beautiful woman. Liz couldn't stop the jealously that rose to the surface at the thought of Red living with this stunning beauty queen look-a-like for the past three plus weeks. He was so damn charming, she was probably half in love with him.

Dembe spoke to the beauty queen "Where is he?" his voice was cold, full of disdain. Dembe always had her back.

Beauty queen just smirked, as if she had a secret that they were not in on "Upstairs, second door on the left."

They made their way up the stairs, with Liz in the lead.

Nothing could have prepared her for what they found inside.

Red was lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to countless tubes and monitors. A nurse was on the opposite end of the room, writing in a chart. "What's wrong with him? What happened?"

The nurse snapped her head up "Liz. Glad you could finally make it."

Liz's eyes narrowed "You know me?"

The nurse gave her a compassionate smile. "We all do. You both were in the file given to us as the only visitors allowed should anything medical ever arise for Mr. Reddington. We didn't know when you would arrive, just that you eventually would.

"I am not going to lie or sugar coat things. He's in a coma and has been since we were alerted that he needed medical care. He was shot three times. Twice in the chest and once in the head. The head was just a graze, but there is brain swelling. There's no telling when, or if, Mr. Reddington will ever regain consciousness. We are doing everything that we can and have every medical technology available to us. We are firmly entrenched in the waiting game."

Liz had tears running down her cheeks and Dembe looked as if someone had struck him. She reached out and grabbed his hand, not knowing who needed the support more, him or her.

They moved forward for a better look.

Red looked so different. His hair was longer, shaggy in a way that resembled his wanted poster. The only difference was the full-on mountain-man beard that accompanied it.

She squeezed Dembe's hand so tightly that it was probably numb. She looked up into his face "I know you hate this place, but it just became home."

Over the next few days, Liz learned everything she could about the daily care that Red received. She took over everything but the administration of medication, but watched like a hawk every milliliter of medication that entered his body. It wouldn't be long until she took over that too. She needed to take care of him. She wasn't sure why, she just did.

Dembe turned him frequently to keep deadly pressure sores and infections from complicating his recovery. His lacerations were almost all healed. The swelling had lessoned, but still no improvement.

"Dembe, I'm going to give him a bath, can you get the basin down for me, please?"

"Sure, you want me to stick around and help you move him?" She smiled, Dembe needed to feel useful too.

"Would you mind picking up some food from that restaurant we ate at yesterday? That fried bread was amazing. Besides, this is going to take longer because I am going to shave him and cut his hair. If he wakes up looking like a Yeti, he's going to be pissed."

Dembe smiled, but it was more of a grimace. He knew as well as she did that the longer he stayed unconscious, the smaller his chances of waking up became. She couldn't voice her worries out loud. She couldn't or she would fall apart. He would be ok. There was no other option.

While she bathed him, and no one was around, she let all of her hopes and fears out in the open. She read that talking to a person in a coma could help because sometimes they could hear it.

"You need to wake up. There is something important that you need to know, that I need to tell you, but you'll never know if you don't wake your ass up. I love you Red, but this an insane ploy for attention. I am a sure thing, you know you don't need to pull this soap opera stuff. Dembe is worried sick, you know. He won't sleep, hardly eats. That man is wasting away and you could put a stop to this by just waking up."

She said anything and everything she could think of to him to try and get him to react. Half of it probably didn't even make any sense, but she said it anyways just to make sure he knew that he wasn't alone. That she would be there for him no matter what.

 **Tbc…**

 **A/N: I know. Angst-ville. Let me know what you think!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: SO sorry it took so long to update! Have so much going on and RL is extremely busy for me, plus I am working on a ton of Lizzington stuff, so thank you for being so awesome and sticking with me. I sincerely appreciate it. Seriously.**

 **Disclaimed, as always.**

 **Chapter 16**

Liz was poor company and she well knew it. She was stressed out and quickly reaching her breaking point. Red had to wake up. She was falling apart without him. She questioned the staff relentlessly about how they knew who and when to contact them and why they didn't contact them sooner.

Red was declared well enough to remove the ventilator tube and backed off of his powerful pain killers. They had hoped he would wake soon after, but were cautioned that to hope was dangerous.

Dembe was ready to murder someone. He stalked and paced the floors like a panther on the prowl for its next meal. She tried to stay away from him as much as possible because she had no desire for him to take a chunk out of her. He actually rose his voice to one of the other guards and told him to 'Stay the fuck away from him or he'd strangle him with his own entrails.' And that was when Liz realized that they were both going insane. Usually Dembe was polite if quiet. Not so anymore. He was so used to Red's chatter that without it, he'd began to provide his own.

They usually found themselves in each other's company anyways as neither one of them could stay away from Red for long. It was as if strings tethered them to him. Both needed the reassurance his presence provided.

She'd told Dembe to get the hell out of the house and go kill something or get laid to get rid of all that tension he had. He'd been gone only a few minutes when Liz started to doze off next to Red while holding his hand.

She had no idea that she'd even fallen asleep when she opened her eyes only to find herself staring straight into Red's eyes.

"Dembe!" but then she remembered that he wasn't there. She stood and sat on the bed gently beside Red. It took him a moment, but his eyes followed her. There was no expression on his face.

Something was wrong. He wasn't looking into her eyes, just in the general direction of her body. The nurse ran in and Liz yelled at her to get the doctor.

The doctor walked up to the bed "What's wrong? He was awake, but…not." The tears poured from her eyes. She was no medical doctor, but he was out for so long she couldn't help but think he had brain damage. What if he was never the same?

She couldn't take her eyes off Red, who had closed his eyes once again, robbing her of her tenuous hold on her sanity.

"Elizabeth, he's been unconscious for such an extended period of time. There will be an adjustment period. Sometimes, patients open their eyes without having ever actually waking up. This is normal, you need to calm down. No matter what, he's receiving the best care."

He then walked around the bed, checking Red's vitals, his eyes. "Well, there's an increased pupil reaction. That's a good thing. Maybe the big guy's decided he's done napping soon."

His attempt at humor fell short. Liz just grabbed her phone off the bedside table and called Dembe "You need to get back here. Now." After she hung up, she sat down and grabbed Red's hand, looked at the doctor and said "We'll tell you immediately if there's another event." And turned away, dismissing him.

She didn't have time to worry about not offending anyone. Her focus was entirely on Red.

Seven minutes later, Dembe rushed into the room "What's the matter, is he-?"

Horrified that she accidentally gave off the impression that Red had passed she stood and wrapped her arms around Dembe "God, no. I'm so sorry. His eyes were open. I thought he was awake, but he didn't respond and he never actually looked right at me. Dembe, what if something is wrong and he never comes back to us?"

In that moment, Liz poured every fear, every drop of grief and sorrow out in a torrent of sobs and tears. Dembe just hugged her, knowing that is was past time that she let everything out. She clung to Dembe, if Red was gone, she didn't know how they would go on.

"I'm not dead quite yet."

Liz whipped around, tripping over herself to get to bed.

"Red!" She nearly fell on top of him. She gently laid her head on his chest making sure he was real, that this was real and not just a dream like so many others she's had since arriving here. The pain in her chest was like a vice grip on her heart. She couldn't manage any other words.

"I get shot, only to wake up and see you…trying to pick up my girl." Dembe and she laughed as they were meant to, but both of them were sloppy messes. Well, Dembe was only slightly more dignified in his tears than she was.

Feeling the rumble of Red's words in his chest was the best thing she'd ever felt.

"Red, I love you, but I swear on everything that is holy, if you take off without Dembe or I ever again, I'll kill you myself."

"And I will help her bury your body." Dembe finally spoke. Tear tracks shone on his cheeks, but his smile was wide and joyous.

Red huffs a small laugh. "mmkay" His eyes close, and he's clearly exhausted from just their small exchange.

She doesn't want to wear him out more than necessary but whispers "Please wake up again, Red."

He nods his head to signal her to come closer. When she's so close, she can see every single color variation in his eyes, he whispers back "Love you too.", and closes his eyes once again.

 **TBC…**

 **A/N: Let me know what you think.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I am so mad at this chapter. As a personal preference I dislike it. I tried to change it and rewrite it(2 times) and each time ended the same way. I am so mad at Red right now, it isn't even funny. He just does what he wants and I have nothing to do with it. *Sigh* If I didn't love him so much…**

 **Let me know what you think.**

 **Disclaimed, as always.**

 **Chapter 17**

Red's rehabilitation took much longer than anticipated. He could walk and move, but some of his fine motor skills were lagging behind.

Seven weeks later and he was still having issues.

After having scan after scan done, the specialists explained that he would regain them in full, it would just take time.

Time was something Red had no patience for and Lizzie didn't have because he was being such a terrible patient.

Red needed assistance with buttoning his shirts and vests and tying his shoes. This was unacceptable to him and he constantly snapped at Lizzie.

She knew that his pride was hurt that he had to depend on someone, but she loved him and she didn't give a damn what he wanted. She wished he would just shut up and accept her help.

"Elizabeth, let the nurse take care it. That's what I am paying her for. For god's sake, stop it! Get out!" He shouted at her, but her face was placid. She ignored his temperamental display.

She kept her voice even as she replied "I love you too, Red…and besides, I'm paying her. You died and left me all of your money, remember?"

"I don't want you here." She stood after finishing up his shoes, kissed him on the top of his head and said "I'm going to the store, do you want to come with me?"

"No, I don't. So someone can mistake me for your father again? I think I'll pass."

He was so touchy lately. Liz thought she was doing an admirable job at not stabbing him again. "Good, because I wasn't talking to you, sourpuss. Dembe?"

Dembe laughed "Sure, although I hate to leave such pleasant company." They walked out of the room to Red flipping them the bird.

Liz took the first few minutes of their trip to cry in Dembe's arms. Red was miserable. She was miserable.

"Why is he so damn mean all the time?! I love him and all he does is shit on everything that I am doing. Why can't he realize that I am not going to leave and I still want to be with him? I don't care if he can't button his stupid buttons. I am just so happy he's alive."

She vented and sobbed as Dembe said "You know he loves you. He's being so difficult because he thinks that you deserve better. Don't let him push you away. You know he loves you more than anything.

He hated that he wasn't yet one hundred percent. He was taking out his fear and loss of control out on everyone around him. Dembe and she put up with him the best, since they loved him to begin with.

Dembe just cajoled and charmed Red with his smile and loyalty. Liz and Red were still new to their relationship when he took off to play hero with the Cabal. As a result, she wasn't so confident in where they stood. He never told her he loved her after that first time he woke up.

He never showed her affection any more or even let her believe that she was anything more than a nuisance. A person could only take so much.

They returned from the store with Liz in much better spirits since crying it out with Dembe. She walked into Red's room with a smile while looking down and rummaging through a bag she carried "Hey, we're back. I got you some of those Chocolate Covered Blueberries that you love-"

She looked up at Red and saw that he was sitting up in front of the fireplace in his room, with his nurse in his lap and his hand cupping her ass.

As Red watched the blood drain form Lizzie's face, he knew that he'd just made the biggest mistake of his entire life.

The nurse was nobody. She didn't know the strong man Red used to be so had no basis on which to pity him. Lizzie was his everything. But she also had first-hand knowledge of just how far he's fallen.

He's used the nurse as a flirtatious diversion. A means to remember that he still had something worthy to offer a woman.

Lizzie deserved more from a man than a lifetime of playing nursemaid. He loved her too much to hang those chains from her. So he'd been trying to push her away since he realized he couldn't do some things, like buttons and shoelaces.

Judging by the look on her face, he had just fucked up the best thing that ever happened to him. He loved her so much and that was it. She was too strong, too independent to let this go.

And of course, Dembe walked in behind Lizzie

"Lizzie, god, I'm-"

"Shut up." She walked over to them. The nurse scrambled off his lap and walked a wide berth around Lizzie as she practically ran from the room.

Lizzie look at him "She's fired."

"Done. I-"

She shook her head "I didn't tell you to talk. She is fired and you and I?" She watched as his eyes closed in resignation, maybe even trepidation.

Her voice lowered as tears gathered in her eyes "Do you want me gone? Really gone? Because if I leave here, you will never see me again. I have to know if that is something you really want, because I am no longer willing to play the game by your rules."

He wiped at his eyes "I never wanted you gone Lizzie. You deserve so much more than me."

She sniffled "So if I were hit by a car and was paralyzed, you would want to leave?"

His face was horrified "NO! Of course not! I would never leave you."

"Does my love mean so little? Do you think me incapable of loving you? Is it me, is that it? If you don't want to be with me, I expect you to respect me enough to tell me."

He stood and walked slowly to her. His limp was slightly better than yesterday. "Lizzie, I am so sorry. I'm a brain damaged fool and I can't stand the thought of not being able to be the man that you deserve….I am terrified that I won't ever get better and you'll be stuck with me forever."

She hugged him tightly as she said into his shirt "You aren't brain damaged, you're an ass. There's a difference. You're mine though, and if I ever walk in on you touching another woman, you'll need more than just one nurse, because I will be gone so fast you'll never find me. Clear?"

His arms tightened around her almost painfully "Crystal. I love…I love you so much Lizzie. I'm so sorry."

"I love you too. You need to talk to me Red. If you're having a problem, the only way we're going to get through this is by communicating."

She had forgotten that Dembe was behind them until he said "You forgive Raymond too soon. It's ok though, I won't" and walked out of the room.

 **Tbc…**

 **One more chapter. Let me know what you think**!


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Sorry about the delay! There is probably only one more chapter to this unless these crazy kids get into any more trouble. Thank you so much for all of the favorites, follows, and reviews! Warning, this chapter returns to rated M. Very M.**

 **Disclaimed, as always.**

 **Chapter 18**

Dembe still hadn't spoken to Red. Liz couldn't take the tension that nearly boiled over every time they were in a room together. He still helped Red when he needed it and stood outside of the bathroom when he took a shower just in case Red were to fall, but ignored any and all attempts at conversation.

Liz knew exactly why Dembe was so mad, but there was nothing she could do about it.

Part of the reason why Dembe was so livid with him was because of her. They had become such close friends and she knew that he liked to think of himself as an older brother and protector. He couldn't fathom that Red would risk hurting Liz like he had. It made him question Red's integrity. Red was a criminal and had been so for the entire time that Dembe had known him.

However, Dembe believed Red to be honorable and above reproach in the aspect of someone that cared about him and he cared about in return. If he would betray the love of his life, then nothing was sacred.

Dembe grieved for him for weeks and it caused him to wear rose colored glasses and only remember all of the good things versus the bad.

He would get over it eventually, but there was a storm brewing between him and Red that only they could repair.

"Dembe, I am going to run to the bakery for more pastries. Do you need anything or want anything in particular?"

"No thank you, Liz. Just you returning soon." He didn't say it, but it was implied that he didn't want to be around Red any more than he had to be.

When Liz returned it was to shouting. She didn't want to eavesdrop, but this needed to happen for Dembe to heal.

"You stubborn ass! Do you have any idea what you put us through? What she went through when we thought you were dead. I held her every night, listened to every scream erupt from her throat. Held her hair as the grief became too much and she vomited. I had a front row seat to when the tears stopped and she became dead inside. Do you know what she was thinking? She was thinking that she didn't want to live without you! She was wholly devoted to you. When we found you here and in a coma, she poured over the physician's care notes so that she could be the one to care for you. To be there for you when you needed. And for what? For you to play grab-ass with Florence Nightingale? Fuck you!"

Dembe stormed out of the room, tears in his eyes. He stopped by her, kissed her on the forehead and said "I'll be back…later" and rushed out the door. He didn't slam it, but the near silent 'click' was deafening in the rage behind it.

She had no desire to go in and see Red after that. Dembe revealed so much of what she would have killed to keep Red from finding out. She was ashamed, but she loved him more than she needed to hide so she went in to the kitchen and put away the groceries, collecting her thoughts and emotions and putting them together into an array that she could manage a visit with Red without breaking down. She was done crying over spilled milk.

Red said that he would never repeat his mistake and she believed him.

Red was sitting in a chair overlooking the view of a field behind their temporary home. She couldn't see his face, but she had a pretty good idea what she was about to find.

"Dembe will get over it. He's just mad because you willed him to me like a Ming Vase." She tried for levity. They'd all had too much grief.

Red harrumphed "He's mad because I showed him what a bastard I am. He's a gentle, honest man. There is no one better. In fact, he, rather than I, would be a much preferable choice for you." He said this with tears running unchecked, silently down his cheeks.

She squatted in front of his chair "I do love him. More so than I ever thought I would. However, I am not in love with him. He doesn't make my heart race. He doesn't make me tremble at the thought of his lips on my body. I don't have a constant craving to feel him inside of me. He doesn't make me dream of having a family and fairy tales that I have no business wanting, but can't help but think of every spare moment."

She didn't make eye-contact the entire time, just ran her hands up and down the length of his thighs. By the time she finished speaking, his arousal was plain to see. She used the leverage of her weight and pulled at the back of his knees until he was stretched enough that she could clearly get to his belt and pants buckle. He grunted a little in pain, but she wasn't feeling particularly gentle at the moment.

Red didn't answer her, just let her do as she wished. She knew he wasn't healed enough for anything too intense, but she needed to feel him.

She unbuckled his pants and released his engorged erection. He hissed as she wrapped her hand around him, the tip already weeping in anticipation. She still didn't look at him, but his hands were caressing her arms as they rested on his thighs.

When she finally put her mouth around him, there was no teasing, no gentleness. She took him as far as she could, all the way to the back of her throat. His moan was long and hoarse. She breathed through her nose and swallowed around him, massaging the head of him.

His thighs were quaking under her hands. "Fuck, Lizzie, you're so amazing. Your mouth feels like lava. You're going to burn me alive. I love you so much." He continued to tell her how much she meant to him and how sorry he was. How he had missed her and couldn't live thinking that he'd ruined them.

Over and over again she pulled her head back and nibbled on the head of him and then sucked as hard as she could, then took him all the way in her mouth to the base. He was swearing and making promises for their future together, all the while he was caressing her hair, her cheeks. Thanking her and worshiping her. She may be the one on her knees, but he was the one begging.

"Lizzie, I can't hold back sweetheart. You need to move."

Instead of moving back, she took him in her hand and squeezed as hard as she could while sucking him, swallowing every drop as it erupted from him.

His whole body trembled and his shouts of pleasure were unlike anything she'd ever heard before but she knew she couldn't wait to hear again.

When it became too much, the tip too sensitive to touch, she pulled back and laid her head on his still twitching leg. He ran his hand over her head, moved a few stray hairs out of her face. "You didn't have to do that, Lizzie."

"I know Red, I know."

 **Tbc…**

 **A/N: Let me know what you think!**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: So…this is steamier than expected. You'd think that I'd be immune to the smut by now, but nope, still blushing here. Hope you enjoy this last chapter and thank you SO MUCH for being so amazing and going along on yet another Lizzington adventure with me! This would not happen without your wonderful feedback. Also, serious fluff ahead as well. Smut and fluff. Maybe I'll change my username to SmuttnFluff, since that seems to be my forte lately,lol.**

 **Disclaimed, as always.**

 **Chapter 19**

Lizzie looked out into the ocean and fell in love the gaping maw where the water hit the horizon in an explosion of blues and greys and reds. This balcony is her favorite view in all of the world. They had been many places over the last year, but this one is the only one she longed to call home. Being so close to the sea calmed Red like nothing else. He loved the ocean, loved the endless mystery of possibilities it provided, the wild untamable current drew him constantly. They sailed frequently. His eyes were never more at peace than they were at sea, with her by his side.

Strong arms clamped around her from behind, but she relaxed into the vice-like grip he had on her.

"Red sky at night, sailor's delight. Red sky in the morning, sailor's take warning." His growl sent shivers down her spine. His voice never ceases to cause a thrill deep down, warming her from the inside out.

"Good morning, sailor." she said softly. Red had slept late today, but she had been pretty inexhaustible last night. Usually it was him waking her throughout the night, but last night it was her.

He nuzzled her neck while he nipped and sucked on her pulse point. "Morning, love."

She moaned in response and let her head fall back on his shoulder. She archer her back as his hands cupped and teased her breasts, causing her nipples to pebble.

"' _Tis an ill discoverer that believes that there is no land when he can see nothing but sea.'_ William Shakespeare was a brilliant man. Able to capture even the most elusive of human emotions. I was the man that, just briefly, believed that there was no land. I was lost at sea with no hope. But you. You are my light and my hope…my home. I can't believe that I was so dense as to alienate that.

I still think you're too good for me, but I am sure that you can help me to forget."

"Oh yeah?" Her reply was breathless as he put a hand in the middle of her back bending her body to kneel on the overstuffed cushion of the chaise lounge in front of her.

He moaned when his hand creeped down to her center, only to find her wet, weeping in her readiness for him to slip inside of her. "Please, Red. Now."

He usually teased her until she screamed, until no one in their vicinity had any question as to whom she belonged. But then, she was the same. She drew the wildest responses from him.

He moaned and cried out as her inner muscles clamped around him. He immediately pushed inside of her to the hilt, over and over again. "God, sweetheart, this is going to be quick, I'm sorry."

"I need it Red, give it to me." He powered into her, his grip on her hips so tight, that she knew she would wear his mark for days, but that just made the fire burn brighter. She felt it, in the pit of her stomach, in the way her fingers and toes started to tingle "Don't stop, don't you dare fucking stop." Her cries were echoed by the seagulls over the ocean, the perfect backdrop for their love. "Love. You. So. Much." Her words emphasized every deep thrust within her.

He reached around her and rubbed over her clit, sending her screaming into her orgasm. He followed less than a dozen disjointed pumps behind her. There was no finesse, no rhythm, nothing existed but the need that consumed them both.

He nearly collapsed on top of her, but stopped himself by placing his hands on the chaise beside of her.

His breath was deep and labored, but huffed in laughter as he said "I had just intended to say good morning, but I couldn't pass up the opportunity to play when I saw you standing there with such a beautiful backdrop. I thought to myself, 'As magnificent as the landscape is, it pales in comparison to the beauty that is my wife- Mrs. Reddington.'. I love you."

She pushed him to a standing position and kissed him softly, putting every ounce of love she had for him into it. "Love you too Mr. Reddington. Let's shower, I'm starving. You helped me work up an appetite."

She grinned as she grabbed his hand and led the way to their decadently sinful marble shower where hopefully she could coax him into round two.

When they finally emerged an hour and a half later, wrapped up in each other and laughing quietly, they were met with the wonderful smell of Dembe putting the finishing touches on breakfast.

"Nice of you two to finally make an appearance. I was about to eat all of this food myself."

Red walked up to him and gave him a huge bear hug "When did you get back in town?"

Dembe had been off visiting family for over a month. Red said he had a girlfriend, but Liz didn't think they were too serious. He would have told her if it was. She knew that Red would never begrudge his friend the time off, but missed him terribly when he was gone.

"This morning. Just a couple hours ago. The gulls were sure loud when I pulled up." His tongue in cheek comment brought a blush to Liz's face, which caused Red to throw back his head in laughter, big guffaws left him shaking in his amusement. Dembe joined in at her discomfort with the source of their humor.

She was so happy that Red and Dembe got over their spat. She wasn't happy when either of them weren't happy. It took many weeks, but Dembe finally forgave Red for his foolishness. She would happily bear the brunt of a few kindhearted jokes if it gave them the opportunity to laugh together as brothers. Besides, she made a mental note to ensure that Red was as loud if not louder than she ever was tonight. It wouldn't be her that Dembe was making fun of come morning.

 **The End**

 **A/N: Let me know what you think! I adore the feedback.**


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